Let’s Get Started, Shall We?
My name is Anna, and I can be sanity-challenged at times. My nickname growing up was Anna Banana, but in case you were wondering, my last name isn’t actually Bananas. It has been changed to protect the innocent Bananas family, who are often sanity-challenged as well, but didn’t sign up to be outed in this blog.
This will primarily be a place for me to record my musings on life – not that I’m an expert by any means. I’m a wife, mother, sister, friend…and an alcoholic. I struggle with depression and anxiety, I am opinionated but not always right, and I have just begun my recovery journey.
I’m hoping this blog will help keep me accountable to others and to myself. I am “coming out” with my addiction. For me, I think it is a critical step toward maintaining my sobriety. I have tried to be secretly sober before. If people asked me why I wasn’t drinking, I would jokingly say it was because I had a bun in the oven. They didn’t need to know it was a cinnamon bun – which is as close to having an actual bun in the oven my 52 year old uterus is going to get these days.
I also have said I was on a 30-day detox, that I was trying to lose weight, that I was currently on a medication that I couldn’t combine with alcohol, and that I had given booze up for Lent. Whatever the excuse was, I never wanted to admit the real reason. It was awkward, embarrassing, but most of all frightening.
I didn’t have to admit the extent of my addiction even to myself. I was just test driving sobriety…I didn’t really have a problem…yada, yada. I also think hiding the real reason for not drinking allowed me that all too convenient out. Let’s face it – it’s much harder to slam down a couple of dirty martinis after you’ve told everyone in the room you’re an alcoholic. Seeing the look of concern and horror on their faces would definitely kill my Let’s Party! mojo.
So I will say it loud and clear, right here, right now – while I still have the courage:
I. Am. An. Alcoholic.
I’ve also experienced things in my past that I’m pretty sure contributed to me becoming one, besides the ol’ chemical imbalance. I am going to speak the truth here and try not to sugar-coat my life, while still keeping a sense of humor about it. Because life would be miserable if we couldn’t laugh at ourselves and others.
Susannah Breslin wrote an article for Forbes titled Why Crazy People Make Better Bloggers. Examples are all over the internet. Some of the most successful blogs are being written by people who could be considered anything from whimsically wacky to downright deranged. Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop told us we should put jade eggs up our hoo-hahs to clear chi pathways and intensify femininity? And people actually bought them for $66 a pop? Bananas.
As a highly dysfunctional society, we have a veritable obsession with individuals whose lives have been staged, photoshopped, filtered, and carefully curated before being posted on social media. It’s easy to forget that they are mostly illusion – ultimately as unattainable and fake as Brain Surgeon-Ballerina-Barbie. They are more about building a successful brand and less about true human connection.
So I’m thinking there must be a certain appeal to those of us who are brave (or foolish) enough to bare it all – who are willing to make ourselves vulnerable and reveal our flaws. But don’t worry – I will not be hitting you with everything all at once, or you would probably run screaming for the hills. This will be a slow reveal, like a classy burlesque act. You may never get the entire money shot – that is between me and my therapist – but I guarantee you I will come damn close.
So welcome to my bananas, newly sober life. I’m glad you’re here.